Christmas 2008

Blessed

The laughter of little angels sorround my everyday life. Tiny hands that create, learn and love. Wanting to hold every precious minute in my heart forever. I never want to forget their sweet innocence and joy for life. Every day is a new beginning, a new adventure. I feel so blessed to live here in Utah and be able to share the beauty in offers us.

Here I go.

So I started this blog about a year ago. I chose the background the pretty colors and the picture and then.... that was it. I haven't touched it since. I'm now inspired, at 2 am, to give this a try after reading Angi's impressive blog. I been wanting to scrapbook, or do something to document our life and the kids growth and I think this is just the thing. Just don't expect anything too witty or intellectual, or even proper grammar or spelling. After all it's me, silly litte Sabrina.

Good Morning Sunshine

This morning we woke up to the sound of Brayden screaming. Jeff went up stairs to find Brayden at the front door shouting outside:

"Be quiet! You're too loud! I sleeping! Be quiet!"

Jeff asked him what he was doing and Brayden explained that the birds had woken him up and it was too early.

I know I've had days like that.

What a beautiful day God has given. Another day with my family and all is right in my world. I love seen their smiles and being there for them when they cry. I love kissing away the pain and holding them real tight. I love their little faces. Their eyes so pure and whole. Filled with love and compassion. They know what life is for. To love one another and help each other grow. Build meaningful relationships and watch it flourish and grow. So blessed I am to have my babies and a man at my side. Someone who loves me even when we don't see eye to eye. He's so wise and understanding. He's my number one advisor. Without him I'd be lost. Without him there would be no laughter. He has given me so much. Much more then I give him. He gave me my sweet babies and has been there everyday for me.

Hold Me

In your arms I’m everything I that I wished I could be. I feel like the women that I should by now be. How is your touch so powerful? It can take away any pain. You fill me with warmth and take my breath away. Years have gone by and each and everyday my love has multiplied. You are the Prince of every little girls dreams. You have given me more than I could have ever asked for or could ever possibly need. Please hold me a little longer and stay with me please.

Grateful

Sparks of creativity fogging up my mind. I want to put into words, things I can not describe. Please Lord help me get this down and out. I feel like I'm suffocating, with all these feelings that want out. Why can't I say the thoughts and images in my mind. Am I not smart enough to find the right words? Why is so hard to express myself. There must be something, or someone that can help. I feel like I am drowning in pool of my own blood. Bleeding from the wounds that will not heal. Learning to care for myself is hard to do when all my life I have looked after you. You my mother, my father, my friends. My sisters and brothers and even those I have not yet met. I worry about you and pray in my heart that God will hold you safe in His arms. I think of the stranger I see in the street. Will have he have something to eat. I sit here at home in my house so warm. Being loved and cared for by those I adore. How many are out there that don't have what I have? How many of you would die alone tonight. I wish I was there for all that need me. I wish I could make all feel like me. I have so much, so much love comes my way. And beauty is all around in the faces of family and friends. Take away all things and I'm still so rich with so many that have touched me and have made my life complete. I thank God for every person he has brought into my life. So many wonderful people, and they are all by my side. Thank You, thank You, God upon high. For blessing my life with beautiful angels here on Earth.

Somewhere in Time

Today I wandered off to place I often dream about it. No messes, no screaming, no crying, no more time outs. A place somewhere in the future when the kids are grown and moved out. A place in time where Jeff and I can relax and enjoy each other. Thinking of this place and seeing it for the first time. I was sadden by the silence and the ridiculously clean house. Sure there where no diapers to change or blocks and toys to pick up. The dish were done and the laundry put away.I had time to be me and do all the things I dreamed about. Yet I felt so sad that I didn't hear their laughter and them playing and running around. Sweet little whisper that say I love you. Begging me please just one more book. Those beautiful little hands I finally had to let go. And right then in that moment I knew I couldn't and wouldn't let go. I want them here for years and years. I want the extra messes and noise that comes with having little ones because before I know it they will be grown and I will be sitting and wondering where did the time go. So I'll forget the dishes they can wait, I'm going to my babies and run out to play.

In memory of Mike

Don't think of him as gone away-
his journey's just begun
life holds so many facets-
this earth is only one.


Just think of him as resting
from sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

Think of him as living
in the hearts of those he touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost-
and he was loved so much.

Mike

It's been 4 years and counting since we didn't say goodbye. I keep hoping that I'll see you when I close my eyes at night. It's been years since you have visited or talked to me in my dreams. I'm scared I might forget you. I don't want you to leave. I miss you, oh so much. I think of you everyday and I try to tell the kids often how very great you are. I have a hard time understanding why you had to leave. I wish I could go back in time and tell you not to go. We could of had some breakfast and played outside in the snow. Ayelen must of known you were leaving us that day because she begged me to go see you, but I didn't want us to be in your way. I wish we would have both been able to tell you how we feel. I love you Mike, I miss you and I know I always will. I know one day you'll greet me at Heavens doors with arms open wide. Even here on Earth you were an Angel and you're safe at home tonight

I'm available

I am available to more good then I have ever experienced, realized or imagined before. I embrace love, health and money. I am a magnet of all things good and pure. I'm surrounded by love and loved one. I am happy in my own skin. I am beautiful. I see my beauty radiating from the inside out. I have great love for myself. Love that has made me whole. I'm now able to give more of myself to others. All is right in the world today. I am happiness. Peace.

Mistakes

Every mistake I have made up until now has been a steping stone to the person I am today. And to become the person I want to be there will be more long the way. I'm excited to learn and grow from the choices I will make. Because in my life book there's no longer things I regret.

Gods gift

When look in the mirror it's hard to smile. I hate myself for letting myself go. I see the dark circle under my eyes and little lines forming all around. I see acne. And stretch marks and the dread extra pounds. My hair is frizzy and my nails are short. I don't feel like my self. I feel ugly and gross. But I know they will be up soon so I put my smiley face on, I brush my teeth and up the stairs I go. In the kitchen eating breakfast I hear little footstep near. I look up to see my sweet baby girl. She immediately smiles as I stretch out my arms. "good morning sweetheart" and all the pain is gone. Sweet hugs and kisses is all I feel now and in her big brown eyes I don't see the monster anymore. I see a women who loves, nurtures and cares. A mother who is constantly there. In her big brown eyes I see she loves me just the way I am. What a special gift God has giving to me. That I'm not judged but loved by those closest to me.