Today I wandered off to place I often dream about it. No messes, no screaming, no crying, no more time outs. A place somewhere in the future when the kids are grown and moved out. A place in time where Jeff and I can relax and enjoy each other. Thinking of this place and seeing it for the first time. I was sadden by the silence and the ridiculously clean house. Sure there where no diapers to change or blocks and toys to pick up. The dish were done and the laundry put away.I had time to be me and do all the things I dreamed about. Yet I felt so sad that I didn't hear their laughter and them playing and running around. Sweet little whisper that say I love you. Begging me please just one more book. Those beautiful little hands I finally had to let go. And right then in that moment I knew I couldn't and wouldn't let go. I want them here for years and years. I want the extra messes and noise that comes with having little ones because before I know it they will be grown and I will be sitting and wondering where did the time go. So I'll forget the dishes they can wait, I'm going to my babies and run out to play.