So to avoid anymore awkward conversations, I thought it would be easiest (for me) to let the world know, through my blog (I just laugh at loud realizing how crazy that sounds) that I will soon be getting a divorce. Jeff and I separated about a month ago and we've been living in separate homes. The divorce papers have been filed, and we're now just waiting for everything to go through the courts. Nothing "happened". I keep getting that question over and over. "What happened?!" It wasn't any one thing or any thing recent for that matter. We just both felt it was time to be truthful with ourselves and move on. Jeff and I have always been very different, and though we have always loved and still love each other dearly, it's in both of our best interest and that of the kids that we no longer be married to each other. I'm not going to lie and say I'm okay, because it's been Hell. On Sunday for the first time since the separation happened, I was able to respond to a simple "how are you?" with out bursting into tears. I feel like I'm a pretty open person, but crying is something that I have always felt reflected weakness and I have tried to not let others see me cry, but in the last month I have cried in front of my family doctor, my OBGYN, both of my kids teachers, family, friends, strangers, you name it. Everyone has seen the sad "woes me" Sabrina, Boo hoo hoo. Lol.
One positive thing about this situation is being humbled. I know. I KNOW, that I can not get through a trial like this without the help of my Heavenly Father. It's awful to admit, but I have tried to get through life on my own, but whenever big trials like this happen to me, I'm instantly humbled and I know that My Father in Heaven and My Savior are the only ones that fully understand my pain, and the only ones that can take it away. It's such a great comfort to know that I am never alone no matter how lonely I feel and that no matter what They both love me. There's a quote by President Monson that has recently become my favorite-
“Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome.”
It's so beautiful. I know it's hard right now, but I also know that I will overcome and that I'll be a better person after I have come out the other side. I wanted to thank all my family and Jeff's family for their love and support. Also my friends and neighbors for checking in on me and offering to do anything and everything for me. I am a bit stubborn and quite independent so I like to do as much as possible on my own. It makes me feel empowered and strong to accomplish things on my own, but I have learned through the years that no one, including me, can do EVERYTHING on their own, and I have learned to swallow my pride and ask for help when I truly need it.