I have written before about how the kids tease me about my big butt and squishy tummy. It has gotten ridiculous were Brayden will see me and say "Squishy!" and run up and hug me. This whole "squishy" thing started awhile ago when people would constantly be asking me when I was due. People I didn't even know would come up to me and RUB my stomach and ask about the baby! The kids friends would ask them if I had a baby in my tummy, all the while I would say no and just brush it off.
But it didn't stop, it kept getting worst. My clothes were getting tighter, nothing fit right, and I left my job because people kept making comments about me being pregnant. Jeff tried to help. He'd constantly tell me that I was beautiful and the only reason anyone thought I was pregnant was because I was skinny but had a small belly.
So that's what I told myself for months."It's not that bad", I'd say. "I'm not fat, just a little squishy".
When the kids would ask me "if you don't have a baby then what's in your belly?"
"Just squishies" I would reply. I tried to ignore it the best I could while the numbers on the scale slowly creepped up. Then for Christmas Jeff got me the Wii Fit that I wanted. This game will actually weigh you every time you step on and tell you you're BMI. My weight had fallen in the obese category, and on the screen my little Mii grew fat. We laughed about it and I tried to forget about, but it hurt. I am now obese. Yuck!
Then a few weeks ago we were at Jeff's parents house for Sunday dinner. I was sitting on the couch next to Jeff, and his little brother Matt, I got up to check on the kids when Matt says..."Uh. Sabrina? You have a big whole in your pants." My pants had ripped! I was so embarrassed, and to make things worst I said "At least I'm wearing underwear!" I meant that I was wearing panties and not something skimpier. I tried to explain but I just dug myself deeper.
So that was it! I've decided right then and there, that I've had enough. I was through being embarrassed by my weight. I was done hiding in my house being scared to leave because some stranger might come up to me to ask about my non exsistant baby. I'm through with shopping at midnight to avoid people and crowds. I will no longer feel fat and ugly. I want to feel beautiful, I want to be healthy and strong and be able to play and run with my kids. I want to have the energy that a 26 year old should have, and not be tired ALL the time.
I have been watching what I eat a little more. I'm not exercising yet. Just doing more around the house and with the kids. I've lost 5lbs which I didn't notice until my friend Angi pointed out that I looked thinner. I have at least 37 more pounds to go. if I want to be where I was before I got married I need to lose another 55 pounds! That is a LOT of weight. I can do it, I'm determined and this whole rant is more for me than anyone else. I will be starting a new blog to track my weight loss. This new blog will also be just for me, but if you'd like to follow along with me leave me your email address so I can send you an invite. Wish me luck!