Somewhere in Time

Today I wandered off to place I often dream about it. No messes, no screaming, no crying, no more time outs. A place somewhere in the future when the kids are grown and moved out. A place in time where Jeff and I can relax and enjoy each other. Thinking of this place and seeing it for the first time. I was sadden by the silence and the ridiculously clean house. Sure there where no diapers to change or blocks and toys to pick up. The dish were done and the laundry put away.I had time to be me and do all the things I dreamed about. Yet I felt so sad that I didn't hear their laughter and them playing and running around. Sweet little whisper that say I love you. Begging me please just one more book. Those beautiful little hands I finally had to let go. And right then in that moment I knew I couldn't and wouldn't let go. I want them here for years and years. I want the extra messes and noise that comes with having little ones because before I know it they will be grown and I will be sitting and wondering where did the time go. So I'll forget the dishes they can wait, I'm going to my babies and run out to play.

In memory of Mike

Don't think of him as gone away-
his journey's just begun
life holds so many facets-
this earth is only one.


Just think of him as resting
from sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

Think of him as living
in the hearts of those he touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost-
and he was loved so much.

Mike

It's been 4 years and counting since we didn't say goodbye. I keep hoping that I'll see you when I close my eyes at night. It's been years since you have visited or talked to me in my dreams. I'm scared I might forget you. I don't want you to leave. I miss you, oh so much. I think of you everyday and I try to tell the kids often how very great you are. I have a hard time understanding why you had to leave. I wish I could go back in time and tell you not to go. We could of had some breakfast and played outside in the snow. Ayelen must of known you were leaving us that day because she begged me to go see you, but I didn't want us to be in your way. I wish we would have both been able to tell you how we feel. I love you Mike, I miss you and I know I always will. I know one day you'll greet me at Heavens doors with arms open wide. Even here on Earth you were an Angel and you're safe at home tonight

I'm available

I am available to more good then I have ever experienced, realized or imagined before. I embrace love, health and money. I am a magnet of all things good and pure. I'm surrounded by love and loved one. I am happy in my own skin. I am beautiful. I see my beauty radiating from the inside out. I have great love for myself. Love that has made me whole. I'm now able to give more of myself to others. All is right in the world today. I am happiness. Peace.

Mistakes

Every mistake I have made up until now has been a steping stone to the person I am today. And to become the person I want to be there will be more long the way. I'm excited to learn and grow from the choices I will make. Because in my life book there's no longer things I regret.

Gods gift

When look in the mirror it's hard to smile. I hate myself for letting myself go. I see the dark circle under my eyes and little lines forming all around. I see acne. And stretch marks and the dread extra pounds. My hair is frizzy and my nails are short. I don't feel like my self. I feel ugly and gross. But I know they will be up soon so I put my smiley face on, I brush my teeth and up the stairs I go. In the kitchen eating breakfast I hear little footstep near. I look up to see my sweet baby girl. She immediately smiles as I stretch out my arms. "good morning sweetheart" and all the pain is gone. Sweet hugs and kisses is all I feel now and in her big brown eyes I don't see the monster anymore. I see a women who loves, nurtures and cares. A mother who is constantly there. In her big brown eyes I see she loves me just the way I am. What a special gift God has giving to me. That I'm not judged but loved by those closest to me.